


Bloodlust

by didntwanderstillgotlost



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Blood Kink, Destiel - Freeform, Dom/sub Undertones, I'm not sorry, M/M, Minor Jessica Moore/Sam Winchester, This fic is purely self-indulgent, Top!Castiel, Vampire AU, Vampire!Cas, Very vague smut, bottom!Dean, vampire!Dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-05
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:22:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 8,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25719520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/didntwanderstillgotlost/pseuds/didntwanderstillgotlost
Summary: Hey guys! I don't know if anyone missed me, but I'm back!My friend said she wanted more vampires and I needed something to satisfy my blood kink, so this happened.I had fun with it and I hope everyone enjoys reading it!
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 48
Kudos: 59





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! I don't know if anyone missed me, but I'm back!
> 
> My friend said she wanted more vampires and I needed something to satisfy my blood kink, so this happened.
> 
> I had fun with it and I hope everyone enjoys reading it!

Cas walked into the apartment after a particularly bad day at work and stepped right in a pool of blood. He looked down at his black converse as the sole turned a crimson red.

“Are you fucking kidding me, Dean!?” He slammed the door and stepped over the body laying on the carpet. He heard a door open down the hall and a moment later his roommate stepped into the living room looking disheveled. Cas gestured to the body as he dropped his bag on the table. “Seriously? Right in the middle of the floor? Every fucking time?” Dean shrugged and smiled sheepishly.

“Sorry, Cas. It was supposed to be a surprise for you since you said you were having a hard day, but—.”

“You got overexcited,” Cas finished with a sigh. Typical Dean. Cas had been worried about this when he’d first turned his roommate. Sometimes the process was easy, sometimes it wasn’t. Dean was having a hard time controlling the bloodlust. “Come here.” He motioned and Dean practically scampered over to him. Cas folded Dean in a hug.

“Sorry, Cas.”

“It’s okay, pet. You’ll get better. And I appreciate the gesture.” He breathed in Dean’s scent a little longer than he should have. There wasn’t a rule that said vampires and the people they turned couldn’t be intimate, but Cas had a personal rule about it. He didn’t get attached to anyone he turned. Dean was different, though.

On the surface, Dean Winchester was the quintessential bad boy. Complete with band t-shirts, a vintage car, and a bad attitude. Underneath though, he was soft-hearted and loyal almost to a crippling fault. Cas had been drawn to him from the moment they met, when Dean flashed him that heart-stopping grin and introduced himself as the resident heartthrob of the apartment building. They had only been roommates for three weeks when Cas turned him and a year and a half later it was both the best and worst decision he had ever made.

“Clean this up and we can eat.” That got a genuine smile out of Dean. He moved the body and started cleaning up the blood. Cas shook his head fondly. Dean Winchester was going to be the death of him.

*** *** ***

When Cas came home from work the next day, there was a vase of flowers on the table along with a little card.

_Sorry I screwed up again. I’ll try to be better. - Dean_

Cas’s cold, undead heart melted a little. He dropped his bag on the table and knocked lightly on Dean’s door.

“It’s open.” Cas opened the door. Dean was sitting on his bed with his headphones on and a bottle of whiskey in his hand. Even from across the room, Cas could see the tears on his cheeks. He crossed the room and sat beside him.

“What’s wrong, pet?”

“I’m a monster,” Dean whispered. “I’m a monster, and I’m not even good at it.” Cas had to bite his lip to keep from laughing. Dean sounded like a little kid.

“You’re not a monster, Dean.” He put his hand on Dean’s shoulder. “Listen to me. You’re still learning. You’ll get there, okay?” Dean nodded and buried his face in Cas’s chest. Cas ran his fingers through Dean’s hair. He felt a twinge of guilt, which was why he had the rule about not getting attached. Over the centuries, he had only turned a handful of people, but that was it. He turned them, helped them through the worst part of the process, and then set them loose on the world. He couldn’t do that with Dean.

“Cas, I’m thirsty.” Dean’s voice was still quiet, but it was rougher than before.

“Okay, pet. I’ll be right back.” He patted Dean’s head, but before he could get up Dean grabbed his arm.

“Want you.” Cas smiled softly at the pleading look in Dean’s eyes. Once someone was turned, they weren’t supposed to drink for their maker again. Drinking from another vampire too many times formed an unhealthy bond. Cas could never deny Dean anything, though.

“Okay. Give me a minute.” Dean nodded and let Cas get up. He went into his own room and changed into sweatpants and a t-shirt. He went back into Dean’s room and climbed onto the bed. He held out his wrist and Dean sank his fangs in. Cas stoked Dean’s hair as he drank. He would let Dean take as much as he wanted, even though he knew he shouldn’t.

“Thank you, Cas,” Dean said, licking at the puncture wounds until they started to close.

“You’re welcome. Do you feel better, pet?” Dean nodded. “Good. Get some sleep.”

“Stay,” Dean said. Cas cupped his cheek and Dean leaned into the touch.

“I can’t, pet.” Dean looked destroyed, but Cas knew he couldn’t stay. Blood bonding was bad enough. He couldn’t get anymore attached than he already was. He breathed in Dean’s scent one more time before he left the room.

*** *** ***

Three weeks later, he left the apartment and didn’t look back.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys! Sorry, I meant to update this a lot earlier, but I...forgot. Oops. Anyway, enjoy!

Ten Years Later

Dean licked the blood from his blade slowly, savoring the sickly sweet taste. He hadn’t hunted like this in months. He’d been jittery for weeks, but he hadn’t found the right mark. He hadn’t found a mark that would get Cas’s attention. This one would. He was sure of it. He drained the blood slowly, careful not to lose a single drop, tossed the bags into the cooler, then buried the body. Once he was back in Baby, he took out his phone.

“Hey, Dean, where are you?”

“”Bout two hours away. You up for a late-night burger?”

“You could stand to eat a vegetable once in a while.”

“Yeah, bite me, hippie. I’ll meet you at Shake Shack.”

“All right. Don’t speed.”

“Whatever, Sammy.” Dean tossed his phone on the passenger’s seat, pushed in his favorite cassette, and started the two hour drive. He hadn’t seen Sam in a couple weeks and he missed him. They didn’t see each other very often as it was, with Sam’s law practice finally taking off, so Dean tried to make as much time for his little brother as possible. His phone buzzed on the seat. He felt around until he found it and checked the screen.

**Lisa [6:10pm]:** Are you coming home tonight?

Dean put his phone back on the seat. She would get the hint. He had tried to be normal, he really had. He’d spent a year with Lisa and her son, but he just couldn’t do it. He needed to find Cas. He wouldn’t be able to do anything else until he found Cas. He reached into the cooler on the floor and pulled out a bag of blood. Thinking about Cas too much always made him thirsty. He couldn’t help it and it pissed him off.

Cas did this to him. Cas made him what he is and he needed to pay for it. Dean had been completely lost when Cas left him. He didn’t know what he was supposed to do. He didn’t know how he was supposed to act. And it wasn’t like he could go to a support group for blood withdrawal. Dean needed to find Cas and make him pay for what he’d done to him.

Sam was trying to help, sort of. He was busy with work, but he did research in his spare time. Dean appreciated it. Sam didn’t have to waste his time helping Dean’s revenge mission, but he was. Because he was a good brother. Dean pulled up to the Shake Shack a little after eight. He saw Sam’s sorry excuse of a car sitting in the parking lot. He cut Baby’s engine and went inside. Sam was sitting at a table near the back.

“Hey, Sammy.”

“It’s  _ Sam _ . How many times?”

“You’ll always be my little brother.” Dean sat across from him. “Anything?”

“Not yet. Sorry.”

“It’s fine. I’ll find him eventually.” Dean’s leg was bouncing and Sam must’ve noticed because he said,

“You okay? Hunt not go well?”

“No, it went fine. I dunno, man. I’m pissed. I’m pissed and I need to find him.”

“He might be dead.” Dean shook his head. Cas wasn’t dead.

“I’d feel it, Sam. He’s not dead. But he will be.”

“Dean, are you really sure you wanna do this?” Dean glared at his brother.

“I  _ will _ kill him, if it’s the last thing I do.” Sam didn’t say anything, but he looked worried. Dean ignored him. He knew revenge was hollow, but he wouldn’t feel better until he got it.

They ate quietly. Well, Dean was quiet anyway. Sam was rattling on about his work and Dean was doing his best to pay attention, but he was itchy. He needed to kill again. His eyes scanned the room. Maybe…no. He could drink in the car. He had to victims Cas would notice. He had to leave a trail that Cas could follow. He had to draw Cas out.

“Dean, are you even listening to me?”

“Yeah, yeah, sorry.”

“You need to drink, don’t you?”

“I’m fine, Sam.”

“Come on.” Sam put some cash on the table and hauled Dean outside.

When Dean had first told Sam about Cas and what had happened, Sam had laughed at him. Told him he should go home and sleep it off. The next day, Dean returned to Sam’s office, covered in fresh blood, fangs still out. Sam hadn’t questioned anything else since that day and Dean was grateful.

“Sam, I’m really fine.”

“Drink,” Sam ordered and he sounded so much like Cas had during those first few weeks that Dean didn’t argue. There was still a fucked up part of him that wanted Cas’s approval. He wanted Cas to be proud of him. He had to find him, so he could show Cas how much progress he’d made and how good he was now. Then he’d kill him.

Dean drank until his anger faded. He drank until he felt high. Sam stayed beside him, not saying a word.

“Thanks, Sammy,” Dean muttered, feeling himself start to drift.

“I’ll take you home, Dean.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I meant to update this before I went to work, but I woke up late and everything went down hill from there. Anyway, enjoy!

Cas looked at the body he’d just dug up. Balthazar. Sixteen down, twenty-one to go. He still had time to catch up. He still had time to stop this. He reburied the body and sat in his car. He took out his phone.

**Cas [9:20pm]:** Get somewhere safe

**Gabe [9:20pm]:** Back?

**Cas [9:21pm]:** Yeah

**Gabe [9:21pm]:** Got it

Cas sighed and thunked his head against the steering wheel. He never should’ve left Dean alone. He never should’ve turned Dean in the first place. He knew it would come back to bite him in the ass. He knew he should follow the scent. He should find Dean and explain. But he wasn’t going to. Dean was angry and it was okay. Everything would be fine if Cas just kept his distance. He’d done it for a decade, he could do it for a few more. He started the car and drove in the opposite direction.

*** *** ***

“Why don’t you just talk to him?”

“And say what?” Cas dumped some sugar into his coffee. “He’s mad, Gabe, and I don’t blame him. I left him.”

“You had to.”

“He doesn’t know that. I didn’t explain to him why I had to leave. I didn’t explain to him that we were too close.”

“Well, you’re blood bonded so I’m sure he knows.”

“I put us in this position and there’s nothing I can do about. He’s gonna kill everyone in our family and everyone I’ve ever turned until he finds me.” Gabriel popped a Jolly Rancher into his mouth.

“So do something about it.”

“I can’t!”

“It’s you he wants. So go to him.”

“He’ll kill me.”

“He won’t. He wants to, but he won’t. You’re bonded. Killing you would destroy him, whether he knows it or not. Find him. Talk to him.” Cas shook his head. Of course, his brother was right and Cas really didn’t want to lose any more members of his family, but he couldn’t face Dean. Not after how he left. He’d been hoping that some time apart would break their bond. Instead, it only made it stronger. Cas could feel Dean’s anger. It was white hot and Dean wouldn’t listen to reason right now.

“Just stay somewhere safe for now.”

“Where? You know he’ll find me eventually.” Cas’s stomach turned. It wasn’t that he didn’t care about the rest of his family, he did, but Gabriel was his favorite brother. He couldn’t bear the thought of losing him, and certainly not because of his own stupid mistake.

“Just…please, Gabe.”

“You won’t even try to talk to him?”

“Not right now. You can’t feel it. He’s so angry. He’s hellbent. He’ll kill me on sight if I go to him. I need to give him time to calm down.”

“And if your whole family ends up dead because of it?”

“Then I guess I’ll be alone forever,” Cas snapped. He pushed his chair back and stormed out of the diner. He wasn’t mad at Gabriel. He was mad at himself. He caught movement out of the corner of his eye. He turned around and watched the man stumble to his car. Sandy hair, green eyes, soft-looking lips. Close enough. He waited in the shadows for a minute before striking. He put the man in a sleeper hold, then shoved the body into his trunk and drove to the nearest motel.

*** *** ***

“Where am I?” Cas got up from the chair he’d been sitting in as soon as the guy woke up.

“Doesn’t matter.” He studied the collection of knives on the other bed before picking one up. He could do this the easy way. Bite and drink until death. But he wanted this man to suffer. He was going to take all his anger at himself and his frustration with Dean out on this man. He took a rag out of his pocket and gagged the man on the bed before he could make a sound. He wanted to hear the man scream, but he couldn’t afford to be caught.

He started slow. He pressed the knife into the man’s side, just below his rib cage. He watched the blood run down and pool on the plastic sheet. He licked his lips, but controlled himself. He wanted this to last. He made another cut an inch above the first one. The man was squirming and trying to scream. Cas watched with a small smile.

He made it two and a half hours before he caved. The sheet was covered in blood and the man had stopped moving thirty minutes ago. He was still breathing, but he was unconscious from the blood loss. Cas set the last of his knives down and pressed his hands into the sticky mess. He smeared it across the man’s body before cleaning it with his tongue. He licked the blood from his hands, knowing it would be all over his face. He didn’t care.

When he was done, he rolled the body up in the sheet, and slipped out the fire exit.

  
  



	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's after midnight where I am, which means it's Tuesday, so here's an update! Enjoy!

Dean stared at himself in the mirror. He screwed up. He knew he screwed up. He didn’t care. He stared at the blood on his face, his neck, his hands. He was soaked in it. It was still dripping in some places, little red spots peppering the bathroom floor. Sam was going to be pissed. He knew that. He didn’t care. He felt  _ alive _ for the first time since he’d been turned. He brought his hand up to his mouth and sucked the blood from his fingers. He wanted to see Cas. He wanted to show him the mess he’d made. The blood painting every inch of exposed skin. A knock came at the bathroom door.

“Dean, are you okay? I saw blood.”

“I’m fine, Sam.” Dean opened the door. “I got a little sloppy.” Dean let Sam take in the scene. He waited for his brother to get mad. Yell at him. Instead, Sam smirked.

“Looks like more than a little. Do you need help with that, or…?”

“I’m good. I’ll clean what I can. Then I’ll take a shower.”

“Good idea. I’ll order food.” Sam disappeared into the living room and Dean went back to staring at his reflection. Not the reaction he’d been expecting. But Sam wasn’t Cas. Sam wouldn’t get mad about spilled blood because he didn’t care. Dean licked himself clean as best he could, then stripped out of his clothes and took a shower. He dried off, changed into sweats and a t-shirt, and sat on the couch next to Sam.

“What are we watching?”

“Don’t care.” Sam passed Dean the remote. Dean narrowed his eyes.

“Why are you being nice to me? What happened?”

“We can talk later.”

“Talk now.” Sam sighed.

“I was doing some reading last night.”

“Okay?”

“About vampires. Dean, you and Cas are blood bonded.” Dean rolled his eyes.

“Tell me something I don’t know.”

“You can’t kill him. If you do, it’ll destroy you. I know you’re angry and you have every right to be, but if you kill him, you won’t be able to survive it. You won’t be able to function. You’ll just be this empty shell.”

“Sam. He  _ did this _ to me. He made me a monster. I’m gonna kill him so he can’t do this to anyone else. And then I’m gonna kill myself.” Dean had been hoping to avoid this conversation until he found Cas. It would give Sam less time to try and talk him out of it. “I can’t live like this, Sam. I’m not even technically  _ alive _ . I don’t want this. I don’t want you to have to deal with this.”

“Dean, you can’t kill yourself.”

“I don’t wanna talk about this right now. I just wanna find Cas. Do you have anything?”

“You know I’d tell you if I did.”

“Fine.”

Dean dumped the body two days later. It wasn’t one he wanted Cas to find. It wasn’t part of his plan. This one had been purely self-indulgent. A way to release some anger. It was sloppy work. Cas didn’t need to see it. Dean wanted Cas to know he had grown up. He wasn’t a kid anymore. He didn’t make stupid mistakes. He didn’t waste blood. He was good. Dean sat in Baby and closed his eyes. If he concentrated hard enough, he could still hear Cas’s voice. The soft one he used when Dean had screwed up, but not too badly. The gentle way he used to call him “pet”. Dean had always wanted that to mean something. He wanted it to be something more than just something Cas called him.

Dean took out his phone. He stared at Cas’s name in his contacts. He could call. He could text. He could just delete the number. He didn’t do any of those things. He never did. For ten years, he didn’t do any of those things. He locked his phone and put it back in his pocket. He turned the key and started driving. He had a six hour drive ahead of him and he needed to focus. He couldn’t keep thinking about Cas. He couldn’t keep thinking about how things could’ve been. No matter how much he wanted to. His phone buzzed. Dean waited for a red light.

**Sam [3:12pm]:** You taking off?

**Dean [3:15pm]:** Yeah. I’ll call you when I’m done. See ya Sammy.

**Sam [3:16pm]:** Be safe Dean

Dean rolled his eyes. He was never safe. How could he be? He got by though. He was as careful as he could be. He covered his tracks and he only hunted in dead areas. He knew how to get his victims alone. The “I’m new at this, can you help me?” bit seemed to do the trick more often than not. He knew Cas was sending out warnings, but Dean hadn’t aged in the last ten years (he never would) and he had always been charming. It was one of his greatest assets. He used to use it to get laid. Now he used it to get revenge.

  
  



	5. Chapter 5

Cas shook his head at the mess in front of him. This wasn’t for him. He wasn’t meant to see this. The man had dark hair and his eyes were probably once a brilliant shade of blue. This was Dean indulging. It was sloppy, reckless work. Cas closed his eyes, imagining Dean covered in blood. Dean probably thought he would be mad. Ten years ago, maybe. Now, Cas was impressed. There had probably been a major waste of blood, but the thought of Dean covered in the blood of a man who looked like him was intoxicating. It also meant that Dean was channeling his anger.

Cas covered the body. He knew where Dean was going. The scent was a day old, but Cas knew. Anna. She would be next. He would find her body in two days. Dean would probably kill two or three more after her before he went back to Sam. Cas was slightly curious as to why Dean hadn’t turned his brother. He would have to ask him when they saw each other again. Whenever that would be. He had to make sure Dean wasn’t volatile first.

**Gabe [1:44am]:** Anna

**Cas [1:45am]:** I know

**Gabe [1:45am]:** Stop him!

**Cas [1:46am]:** I will

That was a lie. He wouldn’t stop Dean. He couldn’t. Dean was hellbent on hurting him. Cas didn’t blame him. He still hated himself for the way he left things. He should’ve explained. He should’ve helped Dean more. Or less. He never should’ve just left. It was cruel to leave him when he was still hurting. But Dean would always be hurting. Cas let him have too much blood. The bond was made and it was forever. Cas had to leave before they crossed any more lines.

Dean wanted to. Cas knew. Of course he knew. It was in the way Dean looked at him when he called him “pet”. It was in the way Dean leaned into his touch. Cas had fought everything in him to keep his distance, but he could see it was hurting him. Dean started doing more and more to get his attention. To make him happy. Cas had left to help them both. It backfired. Dean was trying to get his attention again, only for different reasons.

Cas got in his car and started the drive to Anna’s. Gabriel was the only person he had warned. He was the only one Cas cared enough about. The rest of his family, he loved them, of course, but they weren’t close. He didn’t owe them anything. Gabriel had saved him from drowning himself in alcohol after he left Dean. It hadn’t been easy, but Gabriel had stuck with him. Gabriel deserved a warning.

Cas didn’t speed. Anna was already dead. Gabriel had texted him, so Anna was already dead. He didn’t need to hurry. Dean was long gone. He skipped town as soon as the body was buried. He had no reason to stick around. He was leaving a trail for Cas to follow. He was waiting for Cas to show up. Cas could, if he really wanted to. He could predict where Dean would go. He could meet him there and talk to him. He had to wait. Dean was getting better, but he had to wait.

*** *** ***

“Castiel, I swear to God, I’m gonna kill you.”

“Gabe, let it go. You didn’t even like her.”

“She’s still family. You’re letting him get away with this. Why?” Cas sighed.

“Because he needs to do it. I won’t let him hurt you. You’re last.” Gabriel frowned.

“How do you know?”

“Because he has a system. He’ll kill you last because you mean the most to me. He wants to hurt me and this is the only way he knows how. Just lay low. Stay safe.”

“What if he breaks his pattern?” Cas shook his head.

“He won’t. Trust me, Gabe. He knows what he’s doing. I know what he’s doing. He’s trying to draw me out. I’m getting closer to him every time, but I can’t go to him. He’s still too angry.” Gabriel sighed.

“Fine. I’m trusting you.”

“Thank you.”

“Where’s he going next?”

“Ohio, probably. Inias and Hester settled there a few years ago.”

“How’s he getting the information?”

“I don’t know.” He didn’t. Just liked he didn’t know how he knew where Dean would go. He just did. But Cas had talked about his friends and family a lot while Dean had been going through the changing process, just to give him something else to focus on. If Dean had retained any of the information, he had probably gotten Sam to find people for him. Sam was the kind of brother who would do that. Cas didn’t know much about the younger Winchester, but he knew enough. Sam was a lawyer out in California. He had his own practice that was just starting to get off the ground. Dean went to visit him every few days or so.

“Cas, are you listening to me?”

“No, sorry, what?”

“Be careful. I want you to stop this, but I don’t want you to end up dead.”

“I won’t.” He really hoped he wouldn’t, anyway.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I got stuck at work literally all day and I have no idea what time I'm gonna wake up later, so I'm updating now. Enjoy!

Two at once wasn’t Dean’s style, but he knew there was no way he would be able to separate them. So two it was. The grave was bigger and he had enough blood to get him through the next couple weeks. Dean licked his lips. If Cas were here he might tell him he was proud. He might tell him the things he’d done wrong. Dean bit his lip, trying to imagine Cas’s voice in his ear. The low rumble of that whiskey-warm voice had fueled so many fantasies lately. All things he’d wanted to do with Cas that he never got to.

Cas had to know he wanted it. He never could figure out why he wasn’t allowed. He realized now. Cas had been toying with him. Cas had made Dean completely dependent on him, and then left him alone. It was all a game to him. Well, now it was Dean’s turn to play. But that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to indulge himself. Cas was a manipulative, heartless prick, but he was so damn gorgeous. Dean knew he looked the same as he had ten years ago. Soft, thick hair, stunning blue eyes, and perpetually chapped lips.

Dean groaned and palmed himself through his jeans. He’d been planning on waiting until he got to the motel. He didn’t want to desecrate his Baby. He couldn’t though. He couldn’t wait. He opened the glove box and grabbed the bottle of lube, then turned on the seat so his back was against the door and tipped his head back against the window. He undid his jeans and pulled himself out. He stroked himself to full hardness then focused on Cas’s voice in his head.

He could hear it. The soft way he called him “pet”. The forced calm in his voice when Dean had screwed up that always came right before the yelling. Dean whined, thinking about the gentle way Cas used to hold him. The way Cas would pet his hair or cup his cheek. The sweet taste of his blood that left Dean more deliriously high than anything else. Cas had been a drug for him for almost two years and he was still waiting for his next fix. He  _ needed _ Cas. Only this time he wouldn’t ask for it. He would take what wanted and leave Cas the way Cas had left him.

Dean came to the thought of being soaked in Cas’s blood. The taste, the scent, the warm, sticky feeling. He floated through the afterglow for a few minutes then cleaned himself up. He grabbed a bag of blood from the cooler and started the drive back to Sam. It would take a few days this time, but he didn’t mind. He wanted to see his brother before his next kill. He popped in a cassette and turned the stereo up.

Dean drove for an entire day before he stopped to text Sam.

**Dean [12:04pm]:** I’ll be there tomorrow around 8

**Sam [12:05pm]:** Okay. I found something for you

**Dean [12:05pm]:** We can talk when I get there

Dean put his phone away and stopped at a burger joint for lunch. He was back on the road within the hour. He started to feel restless a couple hours later, so he pulled out another bag. Bagging blood was the best way to conserve it, but it wasn’t the same as fresh, warm blood. The taste was slightly off and it didn’t give him the buzz he craved. Then again,  _ nothing _ gave him the buzz he craved. Not really. He needed Cas. Dean’s phone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled it out.

**Sam [4:33pm]:** Meet me for dinner tomorrow

**Dean [4:35pm]:** Sure

Dean shook his head. Whatever Sam needed to tell him was probably going to piss him off. Sam always made sure they were in public so Dean wouldn’t make a scene. He probably wanted to talk about Dean’s plan again. Dean had stormed out of the apartment after Sam refused to let it go. He couldn’t stay away from his brother forever though. Sam was the only thing keeping him human and he needed to hold on to that until he finished what he’d started. After that it wouldn’t matter. He’d be dead.

Sam could beg and plead all he wanted. Dean was set on his plan. He would make Cas pay for the hell he’d put him through, and then he would end it. Nothing, not even his brother, could stop him. He did feel bad about leaving Sam like that, but he couldn’t keep putting him in danger. Dean was a serial killer and a monster. Sam was a hotshot lawyer. That didn’t work. He couldn’t bring Sam down with him. No matter how much he might want to.

  
  



	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apparently I'm not gonna get any sleep tonight, so here's an update! Enjoy!

Cas looked at the bodies. Dean never killed in pairs. And he wouldn’t again. Inias and Hester had been inseparable for as long as he could remember. Dean had no choice. Cas studied his dead siblings. They were different somehow. There was more control. Less rage. The bodies were immaculate, they always were, but they were cleaner. Cas smiled a little. Two, maybe three more, and Dean would be ready to talk. Cas got in his car and headed for Memphis.

Gabriel was keeping him updated on where he was. Cas was keeping him updated on where Dean was. Keeping them at opposite ends of the country was probably the smartest idea, but the East Coast was a hard sell for Gabriel. Colder weather and bigger cities. Cas wasn’t too worried about it. He knew where Dean would go when he left California again. It would be a few days at least. Maybe a week. Dean was taking longer between kills. He was spending more time with Sam. That was good. He was using his brother to keep himself grounded.

Cas could understand that. Gabriel was his grounding force. He was the only thing Cas had left that reminded him of what humanity felt like. He needed that. If he lost it, he became a monster. He became what their father had become before his death. He didn’t want that. If he became that, if he lost that last shred of humanity, he would die. He’d kill himself. He wouldn’t have a choice.

Cas made it to Memphis before nightfall, which was a feat all on its own. He pulled into the parking lot of the motel Gabriel was staying at. His brother was waiting for him. His brother was going to be mad. It didn’t matter. Cas had to do this. If he tried to get to Dean too soon the result would be violence. He had to bide his time. And people had to die for that. There was nothing he could do about it. Cas sighed and went up to the room.

“How many more?” Gabriel asked in lieu of a greeting. His eyes were dark and angry. He smelled of fresh blood.

“You fed.”

“Had to. How many more?”

“Two or three. Are you okay?” Cas hadn’t seen Gabriel like this since just after their dad died. Gabriel snarled and put some distance between them.

“I don’t like this, Cas. All the moving around. I need to settle. I’m restless now.” Restlessness was never a good thing for Gabriel. He had gone on bagged blood decades ago. He never really could stomach the killing. Cas was only slightly better about it. He compensated by only killing truly evil people. Most of the time. He figured he was doing the world a service that way.

“I’m sorry. He’ll be in AC by the end of the week. You can stay put. I’ll let you know if he gets close.”

“Fine. I still don’t like this.”

“You think I do? You think I wanna see our family dead? I can’t do anything until he’s ready. If I try too early he’ll try to kill me.” Gabriel folded his arms.

“Why’d you even turn him? If you’re so attracted to him, you could’ve kept him as a pet.”

“I couldn’t do that to him, Gabe. I don’t want him drugged up and half conscious. I don’t want him there to be used whenever I please. I want _him_. With the snark and the attitude and the charm. I want him at his best so I can take him apart.”

“You knew this would happen.”

“Not all of it, but I yes, I knew. From the moment I met him, I knew he would be the death of me. I didn’t care. I had to have him.”

“And then you left him.”

“I was scared, Gabe. The things I felt with him. I’ve never felt anything like that in my life. Even before we blood bonded. It was overwhelming and I didn’t know what to do about it.” Gabriel slumped into the bed. Cas knew what he was thinking. He knew he was going to say it.

“He’s your true mate.” Cas nodded and looked at his brother.

“I didn’t know until his first kill. I didn’t know why our bond was so strong until I could feel his anger. He doesn’t know yet, I don’t think. I have to explain it to him.”

“Cas, you made this mess. Clean it up.”

“I will.” Gabriel looked at him for a long time. Cas could feel guilt clawing at his throat. “I’m sorry. I should’ve realized sooner. I never should’ve left him.”

“Don’t apologize to me,” Gabriel said. “Apologize to him. And mean it, Cas. Grovel if you have to.” Cas outright laughed at that. He couldn’t help it. He didn’t _grovel_ . Not for anything or anyone. Dean would _not_ be an exception to that, true mate or not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry to all people whose comments I haven't responded to yet. I've been going through a lot lately and most of my energy has been spent trying not to fall into a depressive episode. Your comments always make me smile and I will respond as soon as I'm in a better place. Love you guys!! 💕💕


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's 4am, I can't sleep, and I have work in 12 hours. Have an update! Enjoy!

Dean stared down at the body at his feet. Not a single mark out of place. Not a single drop of blood spilled.  _ You did wonderfully, pet _ , Cas’s voice said in his head. He smiled to himself. It was perfect. Cas would be so proud of him. Cas would come to him now. Dean could take what he wanted. He could be done with this. He left the body in the open. It was too perfect to cover. Cas would find it tomorrow.

Cas was close. Dean could feel it. He was close, but still hiding. That would change when he found this one. Dean wanted to sit in Baby and wait, but if he did that then Cas would never show up. He drove away from the scene with an unfamiliar tingle under his skin. He wanted to see Sam. Just one more time. He couldn’t though. He had to stay close. Cas wouldn’t follow him across the country. Not this time. He had to stay. He went up to his motel room and shot Sam a text.

**Dean [10:18pm]:** I’m done

**Sam [10:19pm]:** For good?

**Dean [10:19pm]:** Should be. He’s close. I can feel it.

**Sam [10:20pm]:** Let me know

**Dean [10:20pm]:** I will

**Dean [10:22pm]:** I love you Sammy

Sam never responded. That was fair. Dean didn’t use the word “love” lightly. He meant it wholeheartedly, and Sam knew it was his way of saying goodbye. Just in case. Dean tucked his phone away and collapsed on the bed for some much needed sleep.

*** *** ***

The next day, Dean was a mess of nerves and pent up anger. He knew Cas would find the body. He just didn’t know when. He was desperate. He  _ needed _ . God, he  _ needed _ . Cas would find him. Dean would take. He would take until he felt whole again. And then he would kill him. He would kill him and he would finally be free of everything he was feeling. Everything he didn’t  _ want _ to feel. Cas knew. Cas knew and he had given him just enough to keep him on edge.

Dean clenched his fist, his nails digging into his palm. He hated how much he  _ wanted _ . Even after all these years. Even after Lisa. Nothing was enough. Nothing was ever enough. Nothing was  _ Cas _ . He hated how much control Cas still had over him. That would change soon. Dean was done being Cas’s little play thing. His  _ pet _ . Dean wasn’t a pet. He wasn’t something to be used whenever Cas felt like it.

Pain radiated through his body. The deep, gnawing pain he’d been trying to avoid. Because there had been a point when he thought he and Cas would be something. Something more than whatever the hell they had been. A small, dark part of him still thought there was hope. He knew there wasn’t. Cas didn’t  _ feel _ the way Dean did. Cas didn’t feel anything at all. It was a game to him. A sick, twisted game. Dean felt blood running down his fingers. He quickly lifted his hand and licked it away.  _ Don’t waste blood, pet _ . Dean cleaned his hand then looked at his phone. There was still nothing from Sam.

**Dean [11:07am]:** So that’s it?

**Sam [11:08am]:** What do you want me to say Dean?

**Dean [11:08am]:** Love you too? You’re an idiot? Give him hell? Anything really.

**Sam [11:09am]:** I do love you Dean and you are an idiot. I can’t let you do this but I also can’t stop you so yeah this is it.

Dean stared at his phone. He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t want to put Sam through this, but he also didn’t want Sam to have to deal with him the way he was. His way was the lesser of two evils. Sam could grieve and move on.

**Dean [11:12am]:** It’s better this way Sam

**Sam [11:12am]:** Maybe for you. You’re my brother. I’d rather have you breathing. Even if you are a vampire.

Dean’s blinked back tears. He loved his brother. More than anything in the world. He didn’t want to leave him alone. But Sam wasn’t alone. He had his law firm. He had Jess. Dean had never met her, for obvious reasons, but Sam talked about her all the time. Dean was pretty sure he was going to marry her. That thought made him smile. He wanted his brother to be happy and successful. That’s all he’d ever wanted. Even if he couldn’t be there to see it happen. He couldn’t say that over text though. It was something that had to be said over the phone. Really, it had to be said face to face, but he wouldn’t get the chance to do that. He was about to call his brother when a text popped up on the screen.

**Cas [11:27am]:** We should talk


	9. Chapter 9

Cas stared at his phone. He had texted Dean his location over an hour ago. It shouldn’t be taking him this long. He was briefly worried that Dean wouldn’t show, but he would. Cas knew he would. He’d seen Benny’s body. It was perfect. Dean was finally ready to talk. So why was he late? Cas was pacing the motel room when the door suddenly opened. He froze. Dean was just as beautiful as he remembered. Short, sandy hair and piercing green eyes. Cas’s heart jumped a little when he saw the blood covering Dean’s face and hands.

“Sorry. Got held up.”

“Who?” Cas asked on reflex. Dean’s charming smile looked downright manic with the blood all over his face.

“Not Gabe.” Good enough.

“Thank you for meeting me.” Dean shut the door.

“I ain’t here to talk, Castiel.” The sound of his full name in Dean’s rough Kansas accent sent heat curling through Cas’s body. He was so caught up that he didn’t realize Dean was coming closer until he was pinned to the wall behind him. The cold steel of a knife pressed into the skin at his neck. Dean’s lips touched his ear. “You did this to me, Castiel. And now you’re gonna fucking pay for it.” Cas swallowed. He wasn’t scared. Dean wouldn’t actually kill him. He pushed Dean back a little so he could look into his eyes.

“Let me explain, pet.” Dean glared at him.

“I’m not your fucking  _ pet _ . I’m not a toy. I’m done with you playing with me. You’re gonna give me what I came for. And then I’m gonna kill you so you can’t do this to anyone else.” Something was wrong. Dean wasn’t supposed to be this angry. He looked into his eyes. What did Dean want, other than his life? The longer he stared, the more the anger drained from Dean. Oh.

“Dean, you know I’ll give you anything. Put the knife down.” Dean’s hands were shaking, but after a second of hesitation, he dropped the knife. Cas cupped his cheek and Dean leaned into the touch.

“You’ve been doing so well, pet. You deserve this.” He held out his wrist. Dean shook his head. Cas frowned. “What’s wrong, Dean?” Dean didn’t say anything. Without breaking eye contact, he slowly sank to his knees.  _ Oh _ .

“Please?” Cas threaded his fingers through Dean’s bloody hair and Dean’s eyes drifted closed.

“Of course, pet.” Cas used his free hand to unzip his jeans. It took longer than he wanted, but he managed to get his jeans and boxers down without taking his hand out of Dean’s hair. Dean took Cas into his mouth and Cas closed his eyes, his head thumping against the wall behind him. It shouldn’t feel so good. Dean was talented, that wasn’t a question, but it was something else. Something deeper. The thing Cas had run away from all those years ago.

Cas opened his eyes to find Dean staring up at him. He was looking for praise. That’s all Dean had ever wanted from Cas, he realized. Praise. He wanted Cas to be proud of him. Cas smiled and gently tugged on Dean’s hair.

“So good, pet. I’m so close.” Dean whimpered and rolled his tongue. Cas groaned. “So close.” He expected Dean to pull off. Instead, he found himself coming down Dean’s throat. Dean sucked him dry, not a single drop escaping his beautiful lips. Cas dropped to his knees in front of Dean and pulled him into a messy kiss.

“Want you,” Dean said quietly. Cas kissed him again, licking the blood that was still on his lips.

“Are you sure?”

“Want you,” Dean repeated. He looked close to tears. Cas nodded. He stood up and helped Dean to his feet. He hadn’t been prepared for this, but apparently Dean had because he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small bottle of lube. Cas had to smile.

“How did you know I’d say yes?”

“Wasn’t gonna give you a choice,” Dean said, his cocky bravado coming back a little.

“Mm. Is that so?”

“You said you’d give me anything.”

“I will.” Dean swallowed.

“Why?” Cas didn’t have to ask what he meant.

“I was scared. I didn’t understand what I was feeling. I understand now.”

“We’re bonded,” Dean said.

“Yes, but it’s more than that. We’re true mates, Dean. I didn’t realize until your first kill. When you started trying to get my attention. I could feel your anger in that kill. That’s when I knew.”

“Why didn’t you find me and tell me that?”

“Because you were too angry, pet. You wouldn’t listen to me. I had to wait.”

“True mates. You mean, we’re supposed to be together?”

“Yes. I didn’t know that back then. When I turned you. I just knew I had to have you. Gabriel told me I should’ve just kept you as a pet, but I didn’t want that. I wanted  _ you _ . I never should’ve left you and I’m sorry.” Cas stared at Dean, waiting for him to say something.

“I forgive you,” Dean finally said, a ghost of a smile on his lips. Relief flooded through Cas and he captured Dean’s lips again. Dean kissed him back this time, all tongue and teeth and heat. Cas groaned into it.

“Bed.” Dean didn’t need to be told twice. He laid on his stomach, burying his face in the pillow. Cas put his hand on Dean’s shoulder and rolled him over. “I wanna see you, pet.” Dean was still fighting his smile. Cas could tell. He wasn’t quite ready to let go of his anger. That was okay. Cas undressed Dean as slowly as he could manage. Which wasn’t very. After ten years of denying himself, of fantasizing about all the things he would do to Dean if given the chance, patience wasn’t in the cards.

“Cas.”

“So beautiful,” Cas whispered, trailing kisses down Dean’s body. “Can’t tell you how long I’ve wanted this.” He stopped long enough to pull his t-shirt over his head. His jeans and boxers were already on the floor. He resumed kissing Dean’s body. Dean whined impatiently when Cas ghosted his breath over his leaking tip.

“Quit stalling.” Cas looked up with a raised eyebrow.

“You call it stalling. I call it making up for ten years of lost time. Behave, pet.” Dean’s eyes darken at the name and he kept his mouth shut. Cas opened the bottle of lube and coated his fingers. He opened Dean slowly. He wanted to be rough. He wanted Dean to bleed. But there was time for that later. Right now, Dean deserved what he should’ve been given ten years ago.

Cas entered him just as slowly. Savoring every inch of the slide. Dean still hadn’t said anything, but Cas could see everything on his face. He leaned down and pressed their lips together as he started to move. Dean let out quiet moans of pleasure as Cas picked up his pace. He reached between them and wrapped his fingers around Dean, stroking him in time with his rhythm.

“Cas,” Dean panted. “So close. Please. Please, Cas.”

“Come for me, pet. I’ve got you.” Dean spilled over Cas’s hand. Cas pushed into Dean a few more times before he released inside him. He didn’t ask. He didn’t have to. He could see the look of pure bliss on Dean’s face. The face that was still covered in blood. He leaned down again and licked it off. Dean was finally smiling. A small, satisfied smile. Cas pulled out, but he didn’t move. He covered Dean’s body with his and methodically cleaned all the blood from his skin.

“I did it for you,” Dean said when Cas moved to lay beside him.

“Why? You’ve been so good.”

“I knew you would clean it. I knew you would make it better. I wanted you to.” Cas smiled, his fingers finding their way into Dean’s hair again.

“Thank you, pet.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter! I hope you all enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it!

Dean knocked out a rhythm on Sam’s door. It was a secret knock they’d come up with when they were kids. Dean smirked a little when he heard a crash from inside. A second later, the door was practically ripped off its hinges.

“Dean!” Sam pulled him into a bone-crushing hug. Dean huffed out a laugh and hugged back.

“Hey, Sammy. Guess this means you’re glad to see me?”

“I’m glad you’re not dead, jerk! How’d it go?”

“Well, actually,” Dean stepped back a little and pulled Cas closer to him, “I think it’s time you two met. Sam, this is Cas. Cas, this is my little brother Sam.” Cas held out his hand.

“It’s good to finally meet you, Sam. Dean’s told me a lot about you.”

“Likewise,” Sam said, shaking Cas’s hand. “Uh, come in, I guess.” Dean pulled Cas into Sam’s apartment. They settled on the couch. Sam passed around beers. “So…what happened?”

“A lot of things I guarantee you don’t wanna hear,” Dean answered with a cocky grin. Sam groaned.

“Why do you do that?”

“Because it’s fun to watch you squirm. Seriously, though. We’re good. And I actually am here for a reason.”

“Okay?” Dean looked at Cas. He still wasn’t completely sure he wanted to do this. But he wanted to ask. He wanted to give Sam the option. So he did. And when he was done talking, Sam just stared at him.

“You said you didn’t wanna lose me. Well, I don’t wanna lose you either. This way, I won’t. Not for a few hundred years anyway. You don’t have to say yes. I won’t be mad.” Sam was still staring at him and Dean could practically  _ hear _ the gears turning in his brother’s head. Cas was quiet. They had agreed that the request should come from Dean and Dean alone.

“I wanna say yes. But…I don’t know if I can.” Dean frowned for a minute before he remembered.

“Jess.” Sam nodded.

“I love her. I don’t think I could stand to lose her anymore than I could stand to lose you.”

“You could turn her,” Cas said. Both Dean and Sam looked at him. He continued. “If Dean turns you and you still have the same feelings for her, you could turn her. You’d probably be true mates, like Dean and I. And even if you aren’t, you can still be together. If you blood bond enough, nothing can break that.” Dean looked back at Sam. The gears were turning again.

“You don’t have to decide right now,” Dean said. “We dumped a lot on you. Why don’t you sleep on it and call me when you make a decision? We’re not going anywhere for awhile.” Sam nodded slowly.

“Okay. Thanks, Dean.”

“No problem, Sammy. We’ll get out of your ridiculously long hair.” Sam rolled his eyes.

“Shut up, jerk.”

“Make me, bitch.” They hugged one more time before Dean and Cas left. Once they were in Baby, Cas said,

“Do you think he’ll say yes?”

“I hope so.”

*** *** ***

The answer came a week later. Dean and Cas were having lunch at a small cafe.

“I should probably call Gabe at some point and tell him I’m alive.” Dean swallowed his guilt along with a bite of his sandwich.

“Are you mad at me?” Cas smiled softly.

“Never, pet. You were dealing with something. It wasn’t like I was all the close with any of them anyway.”

“Still, they were your family. They were people you turned. You had to have some kind of attachment to them, right?”

“Of course, but after a hundred and fifty years, attachments fade. Gabe’s the only member of my family that I still actively care for. He’s the thing that keeps me human.”

“I was never gonna kill Gabriel,” Dean said. He wasn’t. Gabriel was never on his list. He knew the bond Cas and his brother shared was similar to the one he shared with Sam. As angry as he’d been, he would never do that to Cas.

“I know you weren’t. But I wanted to keep him safe just in case. You were volatile.”

“I was,” Dean agreed. His phone started buzzing in his pocket. He took it out. “Hey, Sammy, what’s up?” There was a long pause before Sam said,

“I’m in.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may write a second part to this that picks up after Sam gets turned. I haven't decided yet.

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is complete and will be updated on Tuesdays


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